About heartbreak, the bad boy versus the good boy, the one who got away and the real deal about all this…
I realized I’m not really an expert on the subject, I have quite a limited experience compared to other girls (yes, I got lucky), but I want to write about LOVE. Indulge me.
Heartbreak and Jumping off a Cliff
Several reasons why I decided to write about the topic. 1) It’s the first time that my only sister got heartbroken. Yes, she might have been disheartened many times, but it’s her first major heartbreak. What’s the difference between the two, you ask. Being disheartened is like looking at a certain cliff but before you jump, you realize that the view or the experience is not worth it, or it’s not for you. So you change your mind, walk away and keep yourself from getting hurt. Being heartbroken is jumping off the cliff without a helmet or a harness, head on or butt first thinking that somebody will catch you but instead no one does and you fall on your face. That’s when it really hurts. But having come from heartbreaks quite a few times before, I think it’s quite healthy to have your heart broken at least once. It really does make you stronger; makes you see what you, and love, is capable of doing. It’s better to be heartbroken so early on in the game when you can still get up, try to laugh at your mistakes and learn from them. I was never the typical big sister to my siblings, giving advice. I just let them experience things for themselves. So I just let her wallow in her miseries, have her own ‘emo’ moments, listening to heartbreak songs and crying herself to sleep as this will lead her to discover herself more. If you ask me, it looks like she’s moving on pretty well and getting over quite easily. She always does things in a faster pace than me.
Good vs. Bad and The One that Got Away
I finished reading a book today, Love the One You’re With by Emily Giffin. To summarize, the catching phrase was something like this: “If you can’t forget the one who got away, can you… love the one you’re with?” I liked the story, but I especially loved the ending; exactly how I wanted it to end. I wouldn’t spoil it for you, but you will probably have an idea after reading what I wrote.
Well, I guess we are all fascinated with unrequited love. The intrigue and excitement of it all; which is basically why we are always drawn to it.
At one point in our lives, we have been in love or attracted to a bad boy (or girl); if for some reason they are in our past, we might have referred to them as ‘the one that got away’. The one with whom we spent so much time and energy chasing, pleasing and crying over. They are usually the lead stars in these stories but in my case, unromantic as it may seem, I always root for the good guys. The ones they describe as ‘predictable’ or ‘boring.’
Notice that when a bad boy does one, even just one nice thing for a girl, one bold move or a public declaration and she falls head over heels for him, never mind the fact that he treats her like crap the rest of the time. However, women hardly notice when a good guy is trying to be romantic. They don’t care if the guy is kind, sweet, faithful and honest to them all the time. They just assume it’s normal. The thing that irritates me more about this is when a good guy screws up just one time, the girls always say things like “I knew it right from the start, he was too good to be true…” and come running back to their bad boys.
The bad boy image and girls being attracted to dangerous men is so overrated. What I always find sexy is commitment. Guys who are afraid to commit to someone are wusses and cowards. Such invertebrates. They do not have the backbone to stand up for something they want and clearly benefit from. Real men are those who are not afraid to lose, get hurt and become vulnerable.
I know it sounds so practical and less-thrilling, but I still believe it’s romantic to be in love with a good guy. I’ve crossed the bridge and switched sides a long long time ago. But I know that other girls find it hard to do so. Sadly, some women I know are still together with their “bad boy” boyfriends, waiting for them to grow-up, see the light and I dunno, magically change? (of course, I'm being sarcastic) Or in reality, sometimes the exterior is deceiving. He seemed like a good boy, you thought he was a good boy, but he treats you real bad.
The Real Deal
The second reason that pushed me to write about love is because I recently spoke with a guy from my distant past. And there aren’t a lot of guys in my little black book (I really don’t have a little black book, I just need to say that I have one to prove a point) to make comparison of, but if there was someone with whom I shared an intense kind of relationship with before my husband, this guy would be it. He was the closest I had to a complicated, tortured, messed-up, you-and-me-against-the-world kind of love. A bad boy with a rockstar life. I used to write stories about him. I almost messed up school and my social life because of him. It was this ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ thing that kept me on my toes. Yes, it was fun, but there are times when the complications, the uncertainty of it all would eat me up. Honestly, it drained the life out of me. I would feel exhausted just fighting fate and proving to people that we could work it out. It was such a dark phase, and I was alone in the fight.
Fast forward to now, we are great buddies, both of us happily married. What can I say? I stopped fighting fate, started giving in to destiny and life worked out. I still like talking to him from time to time though. The casualness and friendliness of our conversations make me realize how far we’ve come. How far I’ve come; I used to feel so low but chose to get up and now I’m on a permanent high with the love of my life. The guy from my past is in a good place now too. Sometimes I’d like to think that when he lost me, he realized that he won’t get someone as great as me again if he doesn’t straighten up his ways. That was my last wish for him anyway. That he finds someone who will make his life better. I guess, he wasn’t really a bad boy. We were two good people; we were just not right for each other.
I guess my whole point is, that’s the thing with love. One second you’re so down and you think you will never get over heartbreak, then somebody comes and shakes up your whole world and suddenly you understand why it didn’t work out with the previous ones. Look how far I’ve come. When I got together with my husband, I felt shiny and new. Like I was unscathed, like the heartbreaks that came before didn’t really matter and the one who got away became a myth. Before we got married, he didn’t even demand to see my diary, or cared about my past. All he cares about is me, our present and future. He is someone who is sure of himself and his intentions. He excites me and sometimes drives me crazy like a bad boy, but is committed and faithful and loving as no other good guy can be. Because the real deal is that true love need not be hard. It’s usually simple and comes in win-win situations. Life is too short, so stop messing around with those bad boys. It's either they love you or they don't. Be with the one who chooses to love you, and fall in love with him over and over again.
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